The Perks of Being a WAHlflower – Part 10

This is the final part of ‘The Perks of Being a WAHlflower’.  I hope you enjoyed it!  If you’re late to the party, you can read them in order starting from the beginning by clicking here: https://balladsandwords.wordpress.com/category/the-perks-of-being-a-wahlflower/?order=asc  And now, the conclusion…

So it was that Waluigi sat in his house, having been discharged from the hospital because the doctors had forgotten about him, with several quite nasty injuries that hadn’t been bad enough to kill him and let him respawn.

The Perks of Being a WAHlflower – Part 9

Slowqueen floated through the stone corridors, head in her hands.

She couldn’t think. She couldn’t think. She couldn’t think!

She could see them through the cameras. She could hear them through the windows. Those she could ignore.

But the thoughts of a mob are deafening. United by a single purpose, yet simultaneously chaotic. A disharmonious racket of anger.

The Perks of Being a WAHlflower – Part 8

It was some time later. Slowqueen was alone in the flight deck.

She’d managed to tap into the Bowser’s Castle PA system. She’d ordered the assorted tortoises and other minions, and their noisy irritating minds, to go out and claim Peach’s Castle. That left only her, the imprisoned Peach, and the sentient stone traps in the building.

This was more or less the way she liked it. It allowed her to get on with planning her final gambit.

The Perks of Being a WAHlflower – Part 7

Waluigi was busy dancing around the room. He was, as a result, too busy to see Slowqueen using her psychic powers to throw Bowser into his own lava moat. He’d be fine, he’d survived being burned to death many times; but in the meanwhile, it was time for dancing.

The Perks of Being a WAHlflower – Part 6

Home again!

Oh to be home! To be one of only about five members of your species! To be among weird bipedal mushroom people who forgot you existed after you passed them! To witness repeated political crises, and watch as the duo you based your entire existence on solved them through violence!

For a moment, Waluigi remembered why he’d left.

The Perks of Being a WAHlflower – Part 5

It was a small island, covered in orchids and little shrubs. Seemingly taken over by nature, vines and long grass provided copious trip hazards. The shrubs ought to have been small enough for Waluigi to step over. He tried, pricked himself in the groin, and didn’t try again.

The Surf had gone smoothly enough. The toes of his shoes dipped into the water: otherwise he remained dry. The mosquitos were paying close attention, but Waluigi had never been very biteable, and Slowpoke seemed immune. Having Surfed on her, this was probably because of her rubbery skin. Not the tastiest meal, he imagined.

If she’d heard him thinking that, she didn’t show it. She seemed… preoccupied.

The Perks of Being a WAHlflower – Part 4

It was after the battle was over.

‘Oh! I have been defeated! Alack, alay! Lady Korrina gave a terrible display! This is it. I must give up my title and admit that your strength far exceeds…’

Korrina could parrot off her spiel in her sleep – she had done, once, which had been rather embarrassing the morning after. Doing so now gave her time to process what had just happened.

The Perks of Being a WAHlflower – Part 3

The leader of the local gym was a woman named Korrina.

Korrina’s job was to battle people, normally children, who managed to complete the (simplistic) gym puzzles and reach her. Her squad of intentionally underpowered Pokémon would provide a moderate challenge. If she was defeated, which happened about seventy per cent of the time, she would award them the gym’s badge. In very rare cases, she then awarded them something else.

This was the extent of her job. It was very boring. The gym was only interesting to roller-skate around so many times, so she whiled aware the hours playing a popular mascot kart-racing game with her Lucario.

The Perks of Being a WAHlflower – Part 2

And so did Waluigi begin his quest to become a Pokémon trainer, which was much easier than a Pokémon Master. He did this by leaving the forest and trekking towards the seaside.

For this purpose, he wore his tennis gear. Dance-offs no longer seemed of prime import. Keeping cool, while looking cool, was.

The Perks of Being a WAHlflower – Part 1

Waluigi’s real name isn’t Waluigi. He can’t remember his real name these days.

He’d ask his parents, but he doesn’t know who they are. This is a novelty. In the Mushroom Kingdom, there aren’t many humans, and most of those are held in high esteem. The royal family is human. The kingdom’s heroes are human. There’s a weird space princess who floats around that people believe is human.

Waluigi doesn’t think any of them are his parents. He hopes not. He kind of has a thing about the space princess.

Not that it matters. Not that she’d remember him.