The Perks of Being a WAHlflower – Waluigi / Slowpoke Fanfiction Part 0

My book group recently had a fanfiction month.  We were each given two characters to write a fanfiction about: then we read them all and voted for/discussed our favourites.  I was given these two, by somebody who, in her own words, ‘hate[s] fanfiction’.  The resulting story came second by a single point, ostensibly because it was too long for a fanfic competition…  Hopefully it’s therefore the perfect length (ten chapters) for a writing blog.  Enjoy!

The telephone rang. It was the fifth time. At the seventh ring, a grubby glove snatched up the golden receiver.

‘Alright already! Who’s this?’

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The Perks of Being a WAHlflower – Part 1

Waluigi’s real name isn’t Waluigi. He can’t remember his real name these days.

He’d ask his parents, but he doesn’t know who they are. This is a novelty. In the Mushroom Kingdom, there aren’t many humans, and most of those are held in high esteem. The royal family is human. The kingdom’s heroes are human. There’s a weird space princess who floats around that people believe is human.

Waluigi doesn’t think any of them are his parents. He hopes not. He kind of has a thing about the space princess.

Not that it matters. Not that she’d remember him.

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The Perks of Being a WAHlflower – Part 3

The leader of the local gym was a woman named Korrina.

Korrina’s job was to battle people, normally children, who managed to complete the (simplistic) gym puzzles and reach her. Her squad of intentionally underpowered Pokémon would provide a moderate challenge. If she was defeated, which happened about seventy per cent of the time, she would award them the gym’s badge. In very rare cases, she then awarded them something else.

This was the extent of her job. It was very boring. The gym was only interesting to roller-skate around so many times, so she whiled aware the hours playing a popular mascot kart-racing game with her Lucario.

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The Perks of Being a WAHlflower – Part 4

It was after the battle was over.

‘Oh! I have been defeated! Alack, alay! Lady Korrina gave a terrible display! This is it. I must give up my title and admit that your strength far exceeds…’

Korrina could parrot off her spiel in her sleep – she had done, once, which had been rather embarrassing the morning after. Doing so now gave her time to process what had just happened.

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The Perks of Being a WAHlflower – Part 5

It was a small island, covered in orchids and little shrubs. Seemingly taken over by nature, vines and long grass provided copious trip hazards. The shrubs ought to have been small enough for Waluigi to step over. He tried, pricked himself in the groin, and didn’t try again.

The Surf had gone smoothly enough. The toes of his shoes dipped into the water: otherwise he remained dry. The mosquitos were paying close attention, but Waluigi had never been very biteable, and Slowpoke seemed immune. Having Surfed on her, this was probably because of her rubbery skin. Not the tastiest meal, he imagined.

If she’d heard him thinking that, she didn’t show it. She seemed… preoccupied.

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